


My Name Is

by Andrea_ODown



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-14 22:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 18,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4581693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrea_ODown/pseuds/Andrea_ODown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karai's life has never been easy with a working single mum and a school where she doesn't really fit in. And if that weren't bad enough, she learned something about her past a year ago, she wishes she never had. (Alternate universe where Tang Shen doesn't die and instead flees to New York with baby Miwa.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 01

_This story was inspired by neopuff's AU-idea where Tang Shen flees to New York with baby Miwa. Thanks for letting me go with it, neopuff! *hugs* Some might wonder about the name, well, there's a story behind why it's Karai. ;)_

_Many thanks to FaithfulWhispers for her beta-work! ^^_

* * *

Karai slumps down on a chair at the kitchen table. She raises a brow when her mother places a plate of scrambled eggs in front of her.

"Good morning, my dear," Tang Shen says, and her voice is cheerful, too cheerful for Karai's taste - especially at this hour of the day and even more after the quarrel they had last night.

She doesn't reply, just takes the fork and munches away on the scrambled eggs. It's better than talking. Everything is better than talking.

"You got to hurry, sweetheart," her mother goes on as if she hasn't noticed the lack of words coming from her daughter, just as cheerful and sweet as before, and Karai hates it. "Or you are going to be late for school."

School. Karai doesn't care much about school. It's a place where she's kept away from the things she's really interested in. Except for PE, that is. It's the only thing she else is just boring.

Her mother takes a seat opposite her, a steaming cup of coffee in her hand.

It's only then that Karai realizes she wouldn't mind some coffee herself, but she's too stubborn to ask her mother for it and too lazy to get some herself. So scrambled eggs it is.

"Have I ever told you how much I like your makeup?" Tang Shen continues.

Karai just huffs, but again, her mother continues as if nothing has happened.

"It would be too much for my face, but the red lipstick and the black khol, they suit you well."

It would have been a nice compliment, if Karai's make-up hadn't just recently been a cause of trouble in school when this stupid Casey Jones made fun of her panda bear-appearance. He paid for it, of course, they all did, and Karai had only gotten away without suspension because she had told the teacher that Casey had touched her some place he wasn't allowed to touch without permission. And the others had been too afraid of her to disagree.

Her mother doesn't know about it. She doesn't know about half the things that go on at school. And Karai would prefer she knew even less than that.

"So, what do you want to have for dinner?" Tang Shen asks. "I thought I'd make something special after your first trigonometry-tutoring."

This makes Karai stiffen. Trigonometry-tutoring tonight. She had almost forgotten about it.

Luckily one of her classmates is in charge of tutoring. She should be able to "persuade" her that she doesn't need any of this stuff. She really doesn't want to spend more time than absolutely necessary with everybody's darling April O'Neil, the girl with the extra bonus because her father let her down. Plus, Karai has more important things to do tonight than trigonometry, way more important things.

She finishes her last bite of scrambled eggs and finally gets to her feet. She walks over to the kitchen counter and pours herself a glass of orange juice. She leaves the dirty plate on the kitchen table, though. No way she's going to make things any easier for her mother today.

"Karai?" Tang Shen asks, but she just lifts the glass of orange juice to her lips and empties it in long gulps.

"Miwa?" Tang Shen tries again.

Karai flinches at the mention of this name and her eyes widen. She places the glass on the kitchen counter with such force that it makes a loud clinging noise.

"Don't call me that!" she shouts.

"But it is your name," Tang Shen replies.

"No one is allowed to call me that!" she continues.

"But it is your real name," Tang Shen says.

"A name no one is supposed to know about, a name no one is supposed to call me by."

She grabs her bag, slings it over her shoulder and marches over to the door. In the doorframe she stops. She isn't done with her mother yet.

"Your own rules, mum," she says with her voice so low it's dangerous. "Now stick to it!" She spits the last words at her mother, then leaves.

Out in the hall she can hear her mother call after her. She uses the name she's supposed to use. It makes Karai want to punch her fist in the wall, but she resists the urge. So she just keeps on walking and walking until she can't hear her mother any longer.


	2. Chapter 02

Karai walks, no, runs all the way to school. She needs the movement, she needs to _accidentally_ bump into people, she needs her breathing to quicken. She even has to stop a block away from school. Every breath of air burns in her throat. It feels good.

When her breath has finally leveled out at a normal rate, she reaches into her bag for a small mirror. Quickly, she checks her make-up. Still stunning. She smiles.

One more deep breath and she sets into motion, ready to start a new day in school.

She has just reached the stairs when a voice reaches her ears.

"Good morning, panda beauty!"

Karai turns her head and finds Casey Jones and some of his friends hanging around at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for the starting bell.

"It's not an insult when I say 'beauty', right?" Casey continues, making his friends chuckle.

Karai just rolls her eyes and climbs the stairs, making a mental note for calling Casey something with beauty when she makes him pay for this.

Some people just take longer to get the message. Or they never get it it. For Casey Jones, probably the latter occurs.

The starting bell rings when Karai reaches her locker.

"Karai, do you have a moment?" someone asks the moment she opens it.

"Hurry, O'Neil," Karai says, not even bothering to turn around. "Or you're gonna be late for biology."

She grabs her biology book and finally turns around, kicking her locker shut.

"Same goes for you, Langinstein," she adds when she finds the school's number one nerd standing next to April.

Irma just drops her gaze and starts shifting away.

Karai isn't sure if it's because of the being late she pointed out or the fact that Irma is afraid of her. To be honest, she'd prefer option two.

But April is still standing there, her eyes expectantly set on Karai.

"What is it?" Karai asks, making sure to put as much of the annoyance she's feeling right now into her voice.

"Well, about our tutoring tonight," April begins and this really doesn't help to reduce her annoyance-level. "I thought we could do it at Murakami's. That's an amazing noodle place I found, and Mr. Murakami won't mind. I already asked. He invented this amazing dish called pizza gyoza. I bet you'll like it. And you can even talk to him in Japanese if you like."

Karai twists her mouth. The mere thought of having to spend a whole evening with April makes her want to gag. But she still needs to come up with the perfect exit strategy.

As for now, she has to get rid of this bitter taste at the back of her mouth.

"Oh, and what makes you think I speak Japanese?" she asks, giving her voice this sweet ring that means no good. "Wait, it's my looks right? No, no, it's my name, isn't it? 'Karai Yamada' - well, of course she _has to speak Japanese!_ "

The last words turn from sweet to angry.

"Why don't we have our tutoring session at this Irish Pub I walk by on my way home? I bet, you'll rock Irish Dance Night, _O'Neil!_ "

April's eyes widen. She opens her mouth, then shuts it again. When she opens it a second time, a few words stumble out.

"No, I didn't mean to … it's just that … I … uhm …"

"You're lucky I actually do speak Japanese. But it's just a coincidence. I could have Japanese ancestors and that's why my parents decided to give me a Japanese name while I myself don't speak one word Japanese."

Karai knows she's being unfair. Her classmates probably heard her talking in Japanese on the phone to her mother before. But who cares about being unfair, when it makes her feel so much better?

The tardy bell rings and Karai gets moving.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm already late for biology," she says.

She adds a foul name in Japanese when she walks past April, a word her mother better not heard her use her entire life, a word she had picked up a long time ago and never used before. Because what good does it do if you curse in a language no one else understands?

But it makes sense now, so much sense.

April knits her brow for a moment and there's this spark in her eyes, Karai can't quite place, so she just keeps walking.

Irma practically jumps out of her way.


	3. Chapter 03

_Many thanks and hugs to FaithfulWhispers for her awesome beta-work! ^^_

* * *

Standing in line in the cafeteria during lunch break, Karai recalls the day's events. She didn't do so bad, she concludes. She managed biology without getting marked, probably because Irma and April had shown up even after her, and they never were late. So if the teacher wanted to cut them a break, he had to do it for her, too.

The rest of the day has been uneventful. Just the boring every-day routine. What a surprise.

Karai moves forward, but when the line comes to a stop again, she finds Casey Jones coming into her direction on his way to the table he and his friends preferably use. His tray is overloaded with food, and Karai can only wonder how someone so scrawny can eat that much.

And then she realizes something else that brings a smirk to her face.

Karai quickly checks her surroundings. No one around who would dare to cause any trouble. The supervising teachers aren't looking her way either.

Her smirk deepens.

And then her foot lashes out the moment Casey is in reach. He stumbles, tries to catch his balance again, but it's already too late. He lands flat on his stomach, his face hitting the tray and what of his food hasn't clattered to floor already. And unfortunately for him, but much to Karai's amusement, it's a plate of spaghetti with extra meat sauce his face chooses for a landing spot.

"Oh wow, if that isn't a spaghetti-faced beauty!" she chuckles before she moves forward with the line again.

She can hear Casey curse and his friends running to him, but that's none of her business. Her revenge was done. No need to think about it anymore.

* * *

When Karai leaves the school after class, she reaches for her phone as soon as she's out of the building. She quickly turns it on, and almost immediately, it rings. Karai frowns when the caller ID tells her it's her mother.

Rolling her eyes, she answers the phone.

"Yes?"

_"Hello, my dear,"_ Tang Shen says. _"I was wondering if you have made up your mind on what you want for dinner."_

"Mum, I already had spaghetti for lunch. I am not really hung…"

_"But you have to eat properly!"_ Tang Shen interrupts her. _"So what do you want?"_

Karai bites down her lip. She really isn't in the mood to talk to her mother about dishes now. Heck, she isn't even in the mood to talk to her at all!

She looks around her and detects an all too familiar redhead close-by.

"The thing is, mum," she starts, catching at the only straw her mind could come up with at the moment, "April asked if we could hold our tutoring lesson at a very good noodle place, so I think we'll have dinner there."

_"Oh, that's so sweet from her!"_ Tang Shen replies. _"I wish you a lovely time, then. Study hard, my dear!"_

"It's gonna be late, don't wait for me!" Karai says quickly and hangs up. This sweet undertone in her mother's voice, it's making Karai sick.

The good news is she has a reasonable explanation on why she's going to come home late tonight. The bad news is she still has no idea how to get out of this whole tutoring craziness.

April has asked her three times during the day! So annoying.

And Karai rolls her eyes once more when she realizes April's coming towards her.

* * *

"So how do you solve for x?" April asks.

Karai isn't quite sure how she ended up here at this noodle place together with April O'Neil.

She can only guess that it must have been a mixture of boredom, having nothing better to do, April's persistence, and Karai's own displeasure of having dinner with her mother later.

And she has to give it to April, these pizza gyoza really are delicious.

As for April's question, she has absolutely no idea.

She remembers that April has been talking for a while, pointing at the open trigonometry-book in front of Karai every now and then. April dragged on in an monotonous tone, so it was easy for Karai to block her out.

However, she did catch the last question.

She audibly swallows the last bit of pizza gyoza.

"I'll go to the trigonometry geek in class and threaten to beat him up if he doesn't tell me the solution," she replies.

"Karai!" April almost shouts.

Karai shrugs. "Heh, you asked how _I_ would solve for x."

She has to admit, she's having more fun than she would have expected.

April sighs. "Okay, let me explain it one more time…"

And April's voice goes back to that soft murmur that's so easy for Karai to block out.

An hour later April is hiding her face in her hands while Karai is sitting there with a smirk on her face.

"Okay, Karai, it really isn't that hard!" April says, removing her hands from her face. "Tell me what you understood until now, please!"

Karai just loves the little sigh that's leaving April's mouth. She bites on her lips and manages to bring a serious look to her face. Leaning over the book, she lets her eyes wander over the page, then looks back at April.

"Okay, here's what I understood," she says, her voice matter-of-factly.

April looks at her expectantly, and the little glimmer in her eyes which Karai can only name as hopeful makes it almost impossible for Karai to keep a straight face much longer.. "Yes?"

"Nothing," Karai adds and leans back again, holding down the little rumble in her chest. She presses her lips into a thin line to keep the corners of her mouth to quirk.

But then April's face falls, and Karai simply can't hold back the laughter any longer.

"So, you think that's funny?" April asks, and the frustrated sound of her voice makes Karai laugh even harder.

"I do!" Karai replies.

April slams her hands on the table. "But this is serious!"

"Depends on the perspective," Karai says, brushing of the tears this explosion of laughter have brought to her eyes.

That earns her a groan from April.

Karai takes a deep breath to calm down and glances over to the clock.

"Okay, gotta go," she announces as she grabs her bag.

"What?" April jumps to her feet. "We haven't gotten anything done!"

"That's fine." Karai slings her bag over her shoulder. "You did your best." She throws some money on the table. "Dinner's on me. See you!"

And with that she dashes out of the restaurant. Really, she has more important things to do than trigonometry, and she has to do them right now.


	4. Chapter 04

_Many thanks to FaithfulWhispers for her awesome beta-work. ^^_

* * *

Karai makes it to the training center just in time to change into her training clothes - which only consist of old sweatpants and a tank top anyway - and get from the locker room to the dojo before the sensei arrives.

The moment she bows to him, the moment she and the other students go through their usual routine, she feels how the anger melts away from her body, how her body relaxes, despite the exhausting exercises.

Once they're done with the routine, she's assigned to the kata-group, she can't help, but twist her mouth a little. But she obeys - like she's supposed to.

But she peers over to the sparring group every now and then.

"Karai, do you hear me?"

It's only then that she realizes she must have been staring a bit too long.

She turns her head back and looks at the student who's in charge of the kata-group tonight. It's just a scrawny teen, maybe even scrawnier than Casey Jones. Under normal circumstances Karai wouldn't even do so much as look at him.

But the training center, especially the dojo, is a different world with different rules.

"I'm sorry," she says. "What did you say?"

"I said we'll go through the new kata from last week together," the student explains. His eyes glisten a bit when he continues. "But since you seem to be so good in katas, why don't you show us how well you do with the new kata on your own?"

There it is again, her anger. It's concentrating in a lump in her throat. She swallows hard to get rid of the choking feeling, but it doesn't work.

"Sure, why not?" is all she manages to say, and she even pulls off a shrug.

The kata from last week, she remembers it, every bit of it, but she didn't have any opportunity to work on it. That's why her movements are unsteady and insecure, and she even has problems to find her balance after one kick. She thinks she's doing okay, though, considering that she had only done this kata a few times during training last week.

When she's done and looks back at the student in charge, she finds this small smirk on his face, and she knows what it means. It was _her_ who invented this smirk!

"Well, I'd say you should work on your katas a little more, don't you agree?"

"I do," she replies around the growing lump in her throat. And the giggles behind her don't make it any easier.

"Good," says the pupil. "Now back in line with you. We start all together from the beginning."

Karai just goes back to her place. She tries to swallow her anger once again, and it feels like there's hot lava running down her throat, to her heart and stomach and burning her from the inside.

And not even the training can make it any better.

* * *

When she leaves the dojo later, she's covered in a small sweat and still wearing her training clothes. She had to get out as soon as possible.

She runs through the cold night air, hoping that it would help her calm down, but she can still see their faces, hear their giggles.

Heck, she only started ninjutsu a few months ago, how's she supposed to be perfect by now!?

She stops when her lungs start burning with every breath she takes.

She's exhausted, but there's still so much of energy in her - bad, burning energy, eating up her insides.

Her eyes fall on a fire escape on one of the near-by buildings, and before she can rethink her decision, she runs over to it, jumps and climbs upwards.

Breathing hurts, her limbs hurt, and her skin is hot and sweaty when she pulls herself up on the roof edge. But the energy hasn't decreased one bit. It's still there, roaring in her stomach, rumbling in her chest, searching for a way out.

She feels the urge to just scream at the top of her lungs.

It wouldn't help, though. She knows from experience.

And there's only one other thing she can think of. She lets her bag fall to the ground, shakes out her arms and legs, ignoring the pain, and walks to the center of the empty rooftop. Then she straightens herself, takes a deep breath and starts with the new kata. She focuses on each movement, trying to remember what she's learned.

When she's done, Karai feels a cold prickle at the back of her head and she turns around.

There's no one there. And yet, she has been so sure.

She performs the kata one more time, doing even better than the time before, when she's at the third time, she feels the prickle again.

She stops abruptly.

She's sure now, like one-hundred and ten percent-sure. She's not alone on this rooftop.

Karai's hearts is pounding in her chest, as she gazes around her. There are only shadows on this rooftop. She startles when it seems like one of these shadows is moving.

"Wh-who's there?" she asks, cursing herself for the tremble in her voice.

"Show yourself!" she adds with a bit more confidence.

But there's no reply.

"I know there's someone there!"

There's the slightest noise, like the whisper of the wind, and Karai knows that she's alone again.


	5. Chapter 05

_Shout-out to FaithfulWhispers for being an awesome beta! :)  
_

* * *

" _Miwa."_

_Karai takes a sharp breath. Who dares calling her by that name!?_

_She swings around._

_There's a house before her, and in the doorway stands a dark figure._

" _Miwa."_

_Karai knows that voice. But she has no idea from where. It's a male voice, a calm voice. And it's coming from the dark figure in the doorway._

" _Miwa," they say a third time, and the word makes a warm feeling spread in Karai's body. She likes listening to this voice, it's so friendly and soothing and it seems to carry a smile._

_Karai feels the corners of her mouth quirk up and she opens her mouth to say something._

_But in that moment, the house bursts into flames._

_Karai gasps and tries to jump back, to run away, but she can't move. Her feet are rooted to the ground._

_She can only watch in horror as the flames come closer and closer and reach for her._

Karai wakes with a start.

Panting for air, she looks around her room. It's dark. No sign of fire. A glance at her alarm clock tells her that she has only been asleep for an hour or so.

With a sigh she lets herself fall back on the mattress.

She takes a few calming breaths and then tries to go back to sleep. But whenever she closes her eyes, she can see the orange flickering of the flames, and she opens her eyes immediately.

After the fifth attempt she decides to keep them open for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next morning, Karai's so worn out from her sleepless night, she bumps into Casey Jones at the school gate.

Startled, they look at each other for a moment.

"Panda," Casey says, his mouth twisted.

Karai isn't sure if it's from sleep deprivation, but his voice does sound neither insulting nor harsh. Dry, yes, but aside from that almost friendly - as if he's greeting someone he knows.

"Spaghetti," she replies in the same voice and then turns her way.

At her locker, Karai is addressed again, and this person's voice is annoying, no matter how friendly it sounds.

"Good morning, Karai."

Karai rolls her eyes. "What is it, O'Neil?"

"Well, about our next tutoring session…"

"There isn't going to be one," Karai cuts in. "You did your best, it didn't work, file closed."

"Oh no, you're not getting away that easily!" April retorts. "If you're failing your next trigonometry test, it's going to rebound on me!"

"Oh, you're worried about your reputation?" Karai asks. "Calm down, lil' Miss Perfect. If it makes you stop bugging me, I'll tell everyone what a great trig tutor you are and that it's just me who's too dumb to get it."

"It's not that!" April bursts out. "It's just that … argh! Why can't you see that this is important!?"

As much as Karai finds April annoying, she has to admit that seeing her this mad and frustrated sure is amusing.

"Why can't you see that it is not?" she replies.

"Look, I promised I'll tutor you," April says with a sigh before her face turns all hard and serious. "And I WILL tutor you. Period!"

Karai shrugs. "Good luck with that!"

And when she walks past April, she decides that she'll get as much fun out of this as she can get.

* * *

And funny it is, for the first two days at least.

Sure, she's heard that April is stubborn, but heck, she had no idea!

This permanent asking about their tutoring, why couldn't April do that in her teaching voice so Karai could blend it out? But no, of course she had to do it in the most annoying voice Karai has ever heard, so friendly and interested and just _nice_.

The ten times Karai makes her get mad the first two days sure are entertaining.

On the third day, things start to take a different turn because either Karai's tired of using the same words all over again or April doesn't really listen any longer. Either way, April just doesn't get mad. And this brings the entertainment-level down to zero.

Over the weekend Karai decides to try something else. So when she's back at school on Monday, or in other words day four of "April's more annoying than usual", she tries to "accidentally" hit April with her bag whenever she gets close or trip her up or slam her locker's door into her face, but it just doesn't work.

April always manages to get out of the way.

So on the morning of the fifth day Karai is in a foul mood. When she's at her locker she sees a certain redhead approaching.

With a groan Karai reaches for her atlas.

"Good morning, Karai!" April greets.

"Morning," Karai replies, and then she turns around and when April is close enough, the atlas slips from her hands, aimed for April's foot.

But April's foot is already gone and the atlas hits the ground.

Karai looks from the atlas to April, and April just looks back at her.

"Karai, you dropped your…"

"Okay, I give up!" Karai bursts out. "You either have the best fortune in the world or you're a friggin' genius!"

April's smile just turns into a little smirk.

"About our tutoring session…," April starts.

"Tomorrow, Murakami's, four o'clock," Karai cuts in. She bends down to pick her atlas up. "And now leave me alone before I change my mind," she adds as she looks back at April.

April just nods with a confident smirk on her face.

Karai can't help, but elbow April when she walks past her. And she has the uneasy feeling that April just lets it happen this time.


	6. Chapter 06

_Many thanks to FaithfulWhispers again for beta-reading this chapter for me. ^^_

* * *

The next day Karai is seated at a table at Murakami's five minutes before four o'clock.

She doesn't even know why she's early.

But here she is, waiting for April.

If she's late, though, Karai'll leave. She'd wait outside for April, then, and tell her that she had her chance.

Karai can see the face April would make before her mind's eye. And she has to choke a chuckle.

She glances at the clock. Four minutes left for April to show up.

That's the moment when the door opens and April enters.

Karai twists her mouth.

So much for April's funny face.

The redhead glances around, and when she sets eyes on Karai, her face brightens and she smiles.

"Hi Karai! Am I late?" she says when she slumps down next on the bench.

"Unfortunately not," Karai mumbles.

"What?"

"I said, hello April!" Karai corrects herself and turns to look at her tutor.

That's when she realizes the swollen, reddened cheek.

Karai raises her brow.

April O'Neil got slapped in the face? By whom? Did Lil' Miss Perfect get into a fight?

For the very first time Karai really wants to know what has happened in April's life. For the very first time, April is actually interesting.

"What happened?" she asks, pointing at her cheek.

"Oh, that." April shrugs. "Just me being clumsy. I accidentally slammed the fridge's door into my face."

And April is back to being boring again.

"I see," Karai replies, her voice dry.

Wait, is she _disappointed_? This is so weird. She twists her mouth a little at that.

April greets Mr. Murakami and orders pizza-gyoza for the two of them.

Then April fetches her trigonometry-book from her bag.

Karai chokes a sigh as she does the same.

Well, she got herself into this, so she better gets it over with. She still wonders how exactly that happened, though.

"Okay, here we go again," April says with a smile. "This is where we stopped last time, right?" She points at a page in the book.

Karai looks at the page, checking the number and opens her book to the same page. Actually, she has no idea if this really is the page they had been "working" on last time, but she nods nonetheless.

"Good." April points at a certain passage at the page. "So this equation here is solved rather easily…"

Karai tries her best, but April's voice immediately goes to this whisper that is so easy to blend out and so hard to follow.

For a moment, Karai even thinks of just letting it happen. But on the other hand, wouldn't that mean, April would bother her again for another tutoring session? No, she can't risk that.

"Uhm, April," Karai says, "could you explain in a different way?"

April stops, her eyes wide. "In a different way? You mean, in other words?"

"No, no, the words are fine, I guess," Karai explains. "It's just that your voice is so … uhm … boring. I can't follow."

"Oh." April lowers her eyes and stares down at the page.

"Well, if you can't do it, that's totally fine," Karai says quickly. "This tutoring just doesn't work out, then. You tried, I tried, we both tried, but some things just aren't meant to work."

She's already on her feet and about to grab her book when April looks at her.

"No, I can try," she says with a determined edge in her voice.

And Karai slumps back on her seat with a sigh. So much for getting out of this early.

* * *

"And this is how you solve for x," April finishes with a smile.

Karai looks from her to the page, back at April, then at the page again.

Her forehead is a bit creased.

She opens her mouth, closes it again.

She can hear how April inhales loudly and feels how she stiffens.

"I…," Karai starts. "I think I got it."

"Really?" April asks, and Karai really can't blame her for the hint of suspicion in her voice.

She looks up at April.

"Really," she confirms.

April releases the breath she has been holding in a long sigh, her too straight posture falling a bit.

"That's great!" She smiles, really smiles at Karai. "Why don't you try solving the next exercise then?"

"Sure, why not?" And Karai turns back to the book.

* * *

"I had no idea how easy this is!" she calls out an hour and two exercises later and laughs.

April grins. "Well, I _tried_ to tell you."

"Yeah, but in your boring voice!" Karai responds, stuffing another delicious piece of pizza gyoza into her mouth.

Munching, she glances over at the clock - and she swallows quickly, nearly choking on her food.

"Oh my gosh, it's already that late!?" she announces as she jumps to her feet, shoving her stuff into her bag.

"You have to go already?" April asks, her eyes wide.

"Yeah, other appointments," Karai explains. "Than…" She breaks off, mid-word. No,she can't say it. It seems like her pipes stop working whenever that word makes it to her throat. She tries again. "Tha..." _Damn it!_ "That really helped. I understand it now. See you tomorrow at school!"

She quickly puts money on the table. "Food's on me again. Bye!"

And she makes a beeline for the door.

"Bye!" she hears April call after her, and then she's outside.

All the way to the training center, she's grinning like an idiot. It can only be the excitement for the upcoming ninjutsu-training, she's sure about that. Because, really, what else could it be?


	7. Chapter 07

Karai knows she's screwed the moment she opens the door to the apartment. This knowledge, it lingers in the air like some chill and makes her skin prickle.

There's light in her mother's room, but that's nothing new. Tang Shen's probably watching TV or reading - or she fell asleep while doing so.

But Karai knows that's not true. Her mom's waiting for her. She just knows.

She takes a deep breath. She could try to sneak into her room, of course. But it wouldn't work.

Tang Shen has a very sharp sense of hearing - especially when waiting for Karai.

Karai presses her mouth into a hard line and just marches towards her room. Maybe if she's quick enough, she could pretend she didn't hear her mother when she passes her room. And once she's in her room, she could lock the door and tell her mom she has homework to do when she knocks on her door. Homework usually works.

But the moment Karai sets into motion, the door to her mother's room opens, and Tang Shen sticks her head out.

"Oh, there you are!" she says, and she smiles, but it's a fake smile, Karai can tell. Only the corners of Tang Shen's mouth quirk 's no sign of a smile in her eyes, not even a hint.

"As you can see," Karai replies with a shrug.

She continues walking, but Tang Shen steps out of the door and blocks her way.

She stiffens when she finally gives in and stops.

"We need to talk," Tang Shen says and nods at her room.

Karai twists her mouth, but obeys..

"Please, sit down," Tang Shen says and beckons her to the wing chair.

Karai turns around to face her mother, but except from that, doesn't move.

"I prefer to stand," she says dryly.

"Well, okay," Tang Shen replies, rising again from almost sitting down.

Karai folds her arms over her chest. "So, what is it?"

"You are late," Tang Shen says.

Something in her voice sends a shiver down Karai's spine.

"Well, I had trigonometry-tutoring, you know."

"That, you did," Tang Shen tells her and sends another, more powerful shiver down Karai's spine, and this time the cold stays in Karai's stomach and makes it cramp.

"But your tutoring ended hours ago," Tang Shen adds.

How do you know that? Karai wants to shout, but she bites down her lip just in time.

"We worked a little longer today," Karai says.

"You did not!" Tang Shen calls out, and her mask falls. There it is, the anger, the fear, right there in her voice, her face, her eyes.

Karai's almost relieved. An angry mother, she can handle, but not a cold, smooth one.

"I called April today to ask how your tutoring went and she told me that you finished hours ago!" Tang Shen goes on. "Where have you been?"

Karai shrugs. "Out."

"And where?"

"Here and there, just needed some time alone."

"And you spent your time alone where exactly?"

"Why don't you put a tracking device on me if you really want to know?" Karai retorts. "I know you'd love to do that, don't you?"

Her mother's face turns very pale and it hardens.

Karai holds her breath. She knows what's coming next.

When Tang Shen starts her tirade she automatically skips to Japanese, and it once more shows Karai how angry her mother really is. They usually don't speak Japanese. Well, not anymore.

Karai understands every word, of course she does. Her mother tells her how afraid she had been that something might have happened to her. How she had almost cried. How she had tried to call her, but she hadn't picked up. How important it is to tell her where she is. And, last but not least, how dangerous it is to run through the streets alone at night because she could be found.

Oh yes, Karai understands every single word, but when her mother is finished she doesn't move.

" _Wakarimashita ka?_ " Tang Shen asks after a few moments spent in silence.

Karai just looks back at her.

"Did you understand?" Tang Shen asks in English this time.

"Of course I did not," Karai replies. "You were talking in _Japanese_."

"You speak Japanese!"

"I am not allowed to, remember?" Karai tightens her arms around herself.

"I said there are exceptions when we are at home or on the phone!" Tang Shen replies. "'And we are at home!"

"Oh?" Karai raises her brow. "Are we?"

Tang Shen looks at her with her eyes wide. She opens her mouth, but no words come out.

It's the right moment to make her move, Karai decides, and she sets into motion.

She just walks past her mother and to her room.

"Karai!" she hears Tang Shen call out when she locks her door.

Slumping down on her bed, she reaches for her ipod. She plugs her earphones in and blocks her mother's knocking out with some really loud, really good music.

What she can't block out are her thoughts.

She remembers it all too well, the day when her mother had told her that she shouldn't talk in Japanese any longer. It's like she's reexperiencing it. Her first day of kindergarten.

_She felt so beautiful in her new white dress, the one with the big pale pink bow._

_It was such a lovely day, and the kids seemed nice too. They looked at her, friendly, curious, and Karai smiled at them. And they played and laughed, and at some point, Karai said something in Japanese. Japanese was such an essential part of her, it just felt natural. It felt right._

_But the other kids looked at her bug-eyed, but then they continued playing. Until Karai said something in Japanese again._

_Again, the kids looked at her, but this time they laughed. They laughed and pointed their little fingers at her and called her funny and weird._

_Back at home, Karai hid in her room, curled up in a corner and cried._

_Her mother came to her and hugged her and Karai cried her little eyes out. She felt safe in her mother's warm embrace. And when she had calmed down, her mother took a deep breath._

_"Barely anyone speaks Japanese around here, love," she said. "Let's only talk in English from now on, okay?"_

_"But…"_

_Her mom stroked her head. "We can still speak Japanese at home every now and then if you wish. But on the whole, it's going to be English from now on."_

_Karai nodded, but her heart ached._

And with the memory of her mother's warm arms around her and her heart aching, Karai falls asleep.


	8. Chapter 08

_Again, many thanks to FaithfulWhispers for her incredible beta-work! You did a great job, dear! *hugs*_

* * *

Karai wakes to a terrible headache. She sits up and realizes her ipod's cables are tangled around her neck. With a grunt she untangles the cables and tosses the ipod to the side. Its battery died overnight anyway.

She reaches for her phone and looks at the display.

Her eyes widen. It's already noon.

With a shrug she lets the phone glide to the mattress and gets to her feet.

She looks down her body and twists her mouth.

The downside of sleeping in one's clothes is that they are totally wrinkled up in the morning. The upside is … well, not having to change into your pajamas, maybe? But considering the state of her clothes, Karai isn't really sure if that is an upside.

She undresses and lets her clothes fall to the ground, then takes her sweet time stretching her muscles before she shuffles to the bathroom.

She's just startled a little by her reflection in the mirror with her once stunning make-up smeared all over her face.

An hour later she enters the kitchen, freshly showered and made-up, wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater.

She grins when she sees the excuse note for the day signed by her mother on the table.

That's something she can always count on. Her mother would always write an excuse note - no matter if she really has a reason to stay at home or not.

No need to have her daughter labeled as an absentee. No need to cause a Shen wouldn't want that.

Always assimilating, always keeping up the facade, never scandalizing, that's Tang Shen's motto.

And Karai goes with it or uses it whenever it suits her.

She wonders if her mother tried to wake her up this morning and failed or if Tang Shen let her sleep in. Either way, she wrote an excuse note.

So Karai decides she doesn't care as she lets the note slide into her bag.

* * *

Half an hour later, Karai is up on her rooftop. The rooftop not far from the dojo, Karai's decided to make it her place. And at night, she sometimes spends some extra time of training up here.

But today is not for training. Today is for relaxing.

And as always when she enters the rooftop Karai finds herself checking her surroundings for someone else being there. She tries to tell herself that she just wants to make sure that she's alone, but in reality, she still hopes that this someone from her first night up here would show up again. She doesn't even know why.

As always she's disappointed.

She's alone.

Karai lies down on the warm asphalt, using her bag as a pillow and just stares into the sky, pushing away all the thoughts she doesn't want to think.

* * *

The ringtone of her phone wakes her with a start.

She grabs her phone and checks the caller ID, expecting it to be her mother, already bracing herself for what's to come, but she just rolls her eyes when she realizes it's someone else.

Karai lets her hand sink again, not caring about the ringing.

April can wait. Karai really isn't in the mood to talk to her yet.

* * *

Neither is she in the mood to talk to April when she comes home. But there she is, waiting at the entrance of Karai's apartment building.

"What are you doing here?" Karai growls instead of a greeting.

"You weren't at school today," April replies.

"Yeah, so what?"

April gnaws on her lip. "It's about what happened yesterday, right?"

Instead of a reply, Karai presses her mouth into a hard line.

"Look, Karai," April says with a sigh, "I didn't mean to tell your mother something she wasn't supposed to know. And I can understand if you're angry with me."

It's the first time that Karai realizes that she really _is_ angry with April, and she raises a brow.

But April's next words nearly makes her jaw drop.

"If you had told me, I would have covered you."

"You … what?" Karai stutters.

"Well, sure," April confirms and looks directly at Karai. "I don't care what you do as long as it isn't something illegal." She pauses for a moment. "It isn't something illegal, right?"

Karai shakes her head.

"Good." April nods. "In that case, I don't care. Really, as long as you show up to our tutoring sessions, I don't care. So next time you need someone to cover you, tell me beforehand and you can count on me."

"But why?"

April shrugs. "No real reason."

"Okay. Tha-" Again, Karai breaks off. "That's nice from you," she corrects herself.

April looks at her with expectant eyes. "Sooooo, we're good?" she asks.

Karai nods.

April smiles. "Well, see you tomorrow at school, then!"

"We'll see," Karai replies and walks past April to the front door.

It's only when the door clicks shut that Karai realizes that April has tricked her into continuing their tutoring sessions.


	9. Chapter 09

Karai enters the apartment with a sigh. Really, this April!

But the sneaky redhead is forgotten when she sets eyes on her mother through the open door of the kitchen.

Tang Shen is sitting at the kitchen table, her face buried in her hands.

Hesitantly, Karai walks over to the kitchen.

"Mum?" she asks carefully.

Tang Shen flinches, then removes the hands from her face. She smiles at her daughter, although the smile doesn’t really reach her red-rimmed eyes.This makes Karai furrow her brow.

And for a moment, it's there, the urge to hug her mother, to just wrap her arms around her neck and bury her face on her chest and tell her that everything is going to be alright. But it is gone in the blink of an eye as she notices that her mother is still wearing her working clothes and the name badge - the one with the wrong name, the one that isn't Tang Shen.

"You're home," she simply says.

"Yes," Tang Shen replies, still smiling.

"Did something happen at work?" Karai asks further. It's not because she's really interested, she tells herself, things like that are just good to know.

"Not really," Tang Shen says. "I just got a terrible headache and my boss sent me home early."

"I see." Karai shrugs. "Take a painkiller, then, and go to bed early."

"I will." Tang Shen nods.

Karai turns around and leaves the kitchen again, seeking the refuge of her room once more.

She can't help, but wonder what really has happened. Her mother would never leave work because of a _headache_ , no matter how terrible it might be.

But she isn't in the mood to ask her mother more questions. Besides, who knows if she'd tell her the truth? Tang Shen has a bad record when it comes to telling the truth.

After all, she has been lying to Karai fifteen years straight.

Karai forcefully shakes her head, pushing these thoughts away again. They wouldn't help her anyway. They haven't in a year.

Karai grabs her laptop and settles down on her bed.

And pretty soon, she's lost in the world of youtube, tumblr, and Facebook.

The sound of her mother leaving the apartment makes her surface for a moment.

Wasn't her mother having a terrible headache and supposed to go to bed early?

But again, she pushes these thoughts away and plunges into the world of the internet.

* * *

The next morning, Karai checks her mother's room. She finds it empty. Tang Shen must have left before Karai woke up. Her bed is already made. Or she hasn't come home last night.

Karai twists her mouth. Should she call her? She decides against it and leaves.

* * *

This whole situation with her mother bothers Karai more than she'd ever admit, and she tries to push the thoughts away as soon as she comes aware of them. But they're still there, in the back of her head, nagging.

Karai is so busy with telling herself that she doesn't care and pushing away the thoughts about her mother's behavior yesterday and her whereabouts the last night, she doesn't realize much else.

And so the morning at school passes in a blur.

"Hi there, Karai!" she's greeted during lunch break.

Karai looks up from her plate and sets eyes on April and Irma.

She nods instead of responding.

"May we?" April asks, gesturing to the free seats at Karai's table.

Karai just shrugs.

April must consider this as a yes, smiles and sits down opposite Karai, and Irma has a seat next to the redhead.

Karai goes back to munching on her food which tastes like nothing. She blames her fight with the thoughts she doesn't want to think, not that it's cafeteria food. Although, that might play a role as well.

"So, how are you doing today?" April asks her, still smiling from ear to ear.

Karai swallows her bite of fried potatoes.

"Don't overdo it, O'Neil," is all she says and then goes back to eating.

"Okay." April shrugs and then starts talking to Irma about some movie they were going to watch on the weekend.

Karai waits for their conversation to change into a blur as all the conversations had done this day, but it somehow doesn't happen.

She tells herself that it is because April's excitement and Irma's background knowledge of the events on the set and special effects are a welcome distraction.

It can't have something to do with the fact that this movie sounds pretty awesome. Although, it does.

"So, Saturday at seven at the Star Cinema?" April asks, and Irma agrees.

Karai notes that this cinema isn't that far away from her place.

She also remembers that she's free on Saturday evening.


	10. Chapter 10

On her way down the street on Saturday night, Karai thinks about coincidences.

It is a pure coincidence, for example, that it is nearly seven o'clock and it's also a coincidence that she is close to the Star Cinema. Not to mention the coincidence that she detects a certain redhead with her spectacled friend next to her among the people lining up for tickets.

And of course it is by pure chance that Karai walks past the line in a way that April has to set eyes on her.

"Karai?" she asks, and Karai has to fight down a smirk and the words "right on cue".

"Oh, hi April," she says. "Irma."

"What are you doing here?" April asks.

"Going for a walk," Karai replies with a shrug. "You?"

"Going to the movies. Didn't you hear us talking about it during lunch break?"

"Nah, I don't listen to the stuff you're talking about during lunch break," Karai says, trying to sound nonchalant and hoping that April buys it. Although, there is nothing April has to buy. It's the truth, just the truth. Karai does _not_ listen to what these two talk about during lunch, no matter how awesome the movie they talk about sounds.

"So, what movie do you want to watch?" Karai asks.

It's not because she's interested. It's just a polite question, nothing more. And she knows what movie they want to watch already.

"'Colonizing Mars'", April replies. "It's about how the first humans land on Mars and start a civilization. And then there's something dark waiting for them on Mars, something they had no idea about."

"Sounds interesting," Karai says, again going for a nonchalant tone.

"I know, right!?" April replies, her eyes sparkling. "It's going to be so awesome!"

Karai blinks a few times at the wave of enthusiasm April sends her way.

"Do you want to join us?" the redhead adds.

_Yes!_ Karai wants to reply right away, but she fights it down, waiting a few moments. No one needs to get the absolutely wrong impression that she actually _wanted_ to be invited.

And it gives her time to indulge in the shocked face of Irma with her jaw dropped and her eyes wide open at April's suggestion.

Karai presses her lips together to prevent her mouth to curl into a smirk.

Then she shrugs.

"Sure, why not?" she says, hoping her voice sounds as bored as she wants it to. "I don't have anything better to do."

"Great!" April says and turns away because the line is moving forward.

And this time, Karai doesn't try to fight down the smirk on her face because Irma's even more shocked face, it's just too funny.

* * *

Two hours later, the three girls leave the movie theater again.

April is babbling in a high-pitched voice about the movie's awesomeness, and Karai can't help, but smile at it. April being nerdy is just a sight she doesn't get every day. Usually, it's Irma who goes all nerdy because of things Karai would never understand at school.

Or maybe, just maybe, Karai is smiling because she actually feels like smiling.

"So?" April asks all of a sudden.

Karai flinches a little as she realizes she hasn't been paying attention.

"What?" she asks, bringing back her annoyed and bored attitude with one little word.

"I asked if you want to grab something to eat with us. Pizza, maybe," April explains.

"Gluten-free pizza!" Irma chimes in.

"Alright, _gluten-free_ pizza," April adds with the smallest roll of her eyes.

It brings the smile back to Karai's face.

Looks like she isn't the only one who finds Irma's nerdy behavior annoying sometimes. Or all the time.

"So?" April asks again.

Karai twists her mouth. This is the second time she is invited to join someone today, and this time, she didn't even aim at it.

Not that she has been aiming at it earlier.

"Sorry, I already have plans," she says, and it's not a lie. There is something else waiting for her tonight.

Okay, she really wouldn't mind seeing Irma's shocked face once more, she has to admit that. But on the other hand, who knows if it might not lose its entertainment value if seen too often? She'd better not risk that.

"See you guys at school!" she adds quickly and turns around with a wave of her hand.

She catches a glimpse of the relief on Irma's face which would make it even funnier to shock her again next time, but she can't really pin down the look on April's face.

And so she decides she doesn't care as she walks away.

* * *

She reaches the rooftop close to her dojo half an hour later. The moment she sets feet on the concrete, she lets out a long sigh, realizing how much she has missed this place.

But there's something else tingling in the back of her head, and it takes her a moment to understand what it means.

"Who's there?" she asks quickly, putting as much strength in her voice as she can. "Show yourself!"

She expects this someone to flee like the one night before.

She didn't expect what's happening next.


	11. Chapter 11

"I better not," a voice says.

Karai tenses up. She feels a twinge in her heart and a cold prickle wandering down her spine.

She was right. There is someone on this rooftop. Yes, she knew it the moment she got up here, she knew it the other night, but now having _proof_ , that's something totally different.

"What?"

The word is out of her mouth before she can bite down her lip. And she has to give it to her that it doesn't sound scared. It sounds more a bit annoyed. And that's something she can work with. Also, it brings back some confidence and makes the cold prickle disappear.

"Show myself, I mean," the voice continues.

It's a calm voice, Karai realizes, a young voice, a male voice. And there's something else to it, Karai can't really name.

"Why's that?" she asks. "Because you're some nerdy freak still too shocked by the fact that you made it up all the stairs by yourself instead of playing World of Warcraft all night?"

Karai doesn't know where this comes from. It doesn't make much sense. Or any sense, for that matter. But it makes her feel better.

"Shouldn't you be jumping around in glee because you finally did some exercise?" she continues.

There's a smirk on her face, and that's something else she doesn't know where it comes from.

Actually, she should be scared, she should try to get away, but instead, she's trying to tease or rather insult someone who prefers to hide in the darkness, for heaven's sake!

But no, the more she goes into teasing-mode the more the fear disappears.

And then she remembers that this has always been her strategy.

When in doubt, always make fun of someone. It might get you into some serious trouble, but you at least had some fun before. And if it doesn't, well, you had some fun, right?

Her smirk deepens.

There's a soft chuckle coming from the guy in the darkness, but it doesn't sound that amused. There's more to it, but Karai isn't sure she wants to know what this more is.

"Oh, you have no idea," he says.

His voice is coming from her left now, and if it weren't the same voice, Karai would have thought that there's someone else on this rooftop.

She turns into the direction of the voice.

"Wow, for some nerdy freak you're moving fast," she says.

"As I said, you have no idea."

This time, his voice is coming from behind her.

The cold prickle down her spine is back as she wheels around.

She didn't even hear him move.

"Would you stop that!?" she says, covering her fear with a good portion of annoyance and anger. "You're frigh … you're making it hard to talk to you!"

"Sorry," he says, but she somehow has the feeling that he doesn't mean it.

She positions herself in a way she thinks might make her facing him. Her muscles feel tense.

She could deal with a nerdy freak, that's for sure, but this guy is doing things she can't react to properly.

But again, when in doubt, try to have some fun, right?

She forces her mouth into a smirk, and feeling it in this familiar position gives her a confidence-boost.

"Show-off," she says.

Another soft chuckle is the reply. And this time, it sounds like a normal chuckle with nothing else to it-

There's a moment of silence and Karai isn't sure if he has left.

"You seem to come here often," he says then, and Karai is relieved although she doesn't really know why.

"Wow, a nerdy freak, a show-off, and a stalker, you're quite a combination," she replies. "Also, the question you were looking for is 'Are you around here often?'"

"No!" he says quickly, and Karai is pleased to realize his voice is coming from the same spot now. "I am no stalker, I am just … around here often, and I saw you training on that rooftop."

Karai snorts, but decides not to say anything.

"That's ninjutsu, right?"

"Yes!" Karai replies quickly and she wants to slap herself right away when she realizes how happy that sounded. "I mean, yes, it is," she adds in a bored voice. "Whatever."

"You're good," he says, and it makes the smirk on Karai's face turn into a smile.

"Thanks."

"Although you do need some more training."

And the smile disappears as Karai twists her mouth.

"What does a nerdy-freaky, show-off-y, stalker-y guy like you know about ninjutsu?"

"More than you think," is the reply, and his voice, it sounds so confident and secure and something more that makes Karai's heart miss a beat.

There's another moment of silence.

"I have to go now. My family's waiting for me."

"Oh?" Karai says. "Do I have to add 'mama's boy' to that list?"

"Uhm, no, I don't … no."

There's something in his voice, a little hint of hurt, and it makes Karai feel bad, only a teensy-tiny bit, but still.

"Can I see you again?"

"Now you got that question-thing right," Karai teases him. "And I don't know. I would like to ask the same, but now that I think of it, I don't see you, you know."

"It's for the better," he replies, and again, there's a hint of hurt, but this time, it doesn't make Karai feel bad, but instead she feels sorry for him. Again, only a teensy-tiny bit, but still.

"So, can I?" he asks again.

"Sure, why not?" she replies with a shrug.

Karai can't say why, but she knows that he smiles.

"Bye."

"Wait! What's your name?"

"Leonardo." His voice is already farer away than she could have imagined him to be in that short amount of time.

And then she knows that he's gone, and Karai is left on that rooftop thinking that it was good that he didn't tell her his name, because, really, Leonardo? That's some amazing teasing-material.


	12. Chapter 12

On her way home Karai thinks about all the options Leonardo's name gives her for teasing him. All the new names! There're too many, she realizes. And so decides to cut them down a bit. When she turns into the street of her apartment block only two are left - Leonardo DiHiderio and Leo-nerd-o. And she likes how she can work with them.

But her thoughts are immediately interrupted by a familiar voice, a familiar voice talking in Japanese.

Karai feels a cold prickle wandering down her spine and out of instinct she ducks into the nearest side street.

She peeks over to the front door of her apartment building.

There she is, Tang Shen, talking to some tall and bulky guy in a business suit. And even more important, she's talking in _Japanese!_

Karai isn't that shocked about the fact that her mum isn't working overtime tonight like she has told her. If Karai lies to her mother sometimes or just doesn't tell her all the truth, why shouldn't Tang Shen do the same? Besides, her mother has a bad record when it comes to lying.

But the the switch in language, that's something that really gives Karai an uneasy feeling.

Why on earth would Tang Shen use Japanese in public?

And who is this guy!?

Karai cranes her neck to get a better look at him, pretty sure that she is blocked enough from his view by the shadows in the side street. But he raises his head and looks her directly in the eyes, just for a split-second, but it's enough to make Karai stumble backwards.

She feels like someone has punched her right in the chest because all the air seems gone from her lungs. She gasps for breath.

His face is like nothing she has ever seen before. Well, not in real life. She knows what scars look like. She knows what terrible wounds look like, but she knows that from movies and photographs in the newspapers. She does _not_ know it from someone she could actually go up to and talk to.

Not that she had ever planned something like that, to be honest.

The right side of his face is maimed by ugly scars and his right eye has no pupil. It's just white and cold and somehow dead.

She has only seen his face for a moment, but its sight is burnt in her mind. And it is not so much the fact that he has these scars. Something in the way he looked at her, something in his good eye, his gaze makes her heart race, and she doesn't even know why.

What is she afraid of? That he tells her mother that she's here? She doesn't know him, so how to tell if he knows her? She could be some random teenager prowling the streets.

But she has this feeling that it's not good that this guy's seen her. Not good at all. And she knows, too, that her mother should never find out that she's here. Not because she's afraid of any punishment. She has never been afraid of that.

But tonight she's trembling, and she can't even tell for sure why.

All she can say is that it was a bad thing that this guy saw her and that her mother never should find out that she was around.

She dares another peek and sees that strange guy in the business suit getting in some limousine. And then the limousine drives off, and Tang Shen is left on the street, staring after it.

She stands there for a few more moments until suddenly, she flinches. Quickly, she looks around her, reminding Karai of some hunted animal.

Then Tang Shen climbs the stairs to the front door, wrapping her arms around herself as if she were cold.

Karai does the same, and when the front door snaps shut behind her mother, she sinks back into the side street until her back is against a wall and lets herself slide to the ground.

She knows she should feel relieved. Her mum hasn't come over here, she probably doesn't know that she is here. She should feel fine or at least better. But all she feels is cold, so very, very cold.

When she closes her eyes, she sees the man again, his scarred face, his gaze.

And this memory brings up this feeling that she has to run as quickly as she can while at the same time she feels unable to move.

She tries to think of something else, like the fact that her mother was talking to him in Japanese. It's strange and it gives this meeting a mysterious touch. Tang Shen never seemed interested in dating, and now Karai catches her on the streets with a man, a _Japanese_ speaking man?

Karai has always had the feeling that her mother was so done with her home country, and now that?

It makes no sense at all!

She tries to put together the words she has overheard, but her brain refuses to work properly, paralyzed by the cold taking over Karai's body, a coldness coming from deep inside her, from the tight little knot her stomach has turned into.

She doesn't even hear the thunder or feel it when the cold rain starts pelting down on her.

All she feels is the coldness inside her.

She's so done with meeting strange guys for one night.

She adjusts her position by hugging her knees and burying her face between her arms, not because it is more comfortable or gives her any cover from the rain. It just feels slightly better, that's all.

And better is more than enough at the moment.


	13. Chapter 13

Karai has no idea how long she has been sitting there in the cold rain, but at some point she starts feeling something else than the coldness inside her.

It's not a nice feeling.

Her clothes are wet and clinging to her skin.

And she feels chilly. Not only on the inside, but her whole body, her skin feels so very cold.

Except for her throat, that is, which feels like it is on fire.

Carefully, she gets up.

She does a step forward - and immediately has to put her hand on the wall for extra support.

She doesn't remember the ground being so bumpy when she hid in here.

She leaves her hand on the wall, just in case, and takes another step.

Slowly, she moves over to the street. Every step is a challenge. The ground is so uneven, really, Karai would have rolled her eyes at this - if she didn't need all her concentration on not tripping.

But when she reaches the street, she realizes that her insecure steps have nothing to do with the ground.

She knows for sure that the street in front of her building is plane, but she still has the feeling like walking on a bumpy road.

So no, it's not the ground, it's her.

Bummer.

It seems like ages before she arrives at the stairs.

And if she thought just walking on a plain road was a challenge, climbing stairs is an even greater challenge.

For a moment, she even thinks of crawling up the stairs on all fours as not to risk to lose balance.

But someone could see her, so Karai decides against it.

People are already talking too much about her. Plus, what if it's someone from school? She has a reputation to lose.

She climbs the stairs in slow-motion and maintains this non-speed on her way up to the apartment.

Again, she has no idea how long it takes her, but when she finally stands in front of the door to her and her mother's apartment, she's out of breath.

She leans against the wall as she fumbles for her keys.

Her vision is blurry by now, so Karai has to hold the keys very close to her eyes to see which key is meant for which lock.

She has to concentrate so much to insert the keys and unlock the door, that her head is aching like crazy when she finally manages her task.

She steps or rather stumbles inside and just slams the door shut in the process.

The sound makes Karai flinch.

And it obviously alerts Tang Shen because seconds later, she rushes into the corridor.

Although Karai only sees a blurry figure coming close.

She squeezes her eyes shut and opens them again a few times, hoping that it would make her vision sharp again, but it doesn't work.

"Karai?"

Well, at least her ears are doing their job, because that's her mother's voice. Her mother's worried voice, to be precise.

She opens her mouth to say something, but the words don't make it past her burning throat.

She swallows and tries again.

"Hi Mu …"

Her voice is barely a whisper, hoarse, and so rough in her already aching throat that it breaks.

And then her eyelids feel so heavy that Karai can't keep her eyes open any longer.

She feels like falling, not sure if it's just a feeling or if she really is falling over.

Everything seems so unreal, like she's dreaming.

There are only a few things she can make out.

She realizes how her cold, wet clothes are removed from her body, and then there's the rain again.

But this rain is different. It's warm.

That's odd. Rain isn't supposed to be warm in New York City.

But she remembers hearing that the rain is warm in Africa.

Maybe that's what happened. Her mother and her left their home again and moved to Africa, and that's why the rain is warm and when Karai wakes up tomorrow morning, she'll see elephants and giraffes and lions through her window.

* * *

 

When Karai wakes up, it takes her a while to open her eyes because everything hurts, even her eyelids.

She looks around the room, searching for a window. There are two things she realizes - this looks exactly like her old room in New York, and it's not morning yet. The room is lit by the night light on her bed table.

At least she's not in Africa.

But she isn't sure if that's good or not.

When Karai turns her head, which again leads to some pulsating pain in her temples, she finds her mother sitting on a chair.

Tang Shen is wrapped in a blanket, her head has sunken to the side, her eyes are closed. She's sleeping.

But although she's asleep, there's a deep frown wrinkling Tang Shen's forehead.

Unsure what to make of this, Karai turns her head away and closes her eyes again, falling asleep right away and dreaming of elephants and giraffes and lions.


	14. Chapter 14

Karai wakes to the feeling of something cold and damp on her forehead. It's nice. And a contrast to the burning in her throat.

She tries to open her eyes, but it feels like something heavy is pulling her eyelids down.

She musters up all the strength she has left and cracks her eyes open.

Carefully, she opens them more and more, and every little bit is exhausting.

When her eyes are open completely, Karai has to take a deep breath - which only leads to a firestorm in her throat.

"You're awake!" Karai hears her mother's voice, and then Tang Shen's face comes into Karai's focus. "How are you feeling?"

Karai wants to reply and opens her mouth, but it makes her throat hurt even more.

She closes it immediately.

Her mother replies to that with a frown.

"Miwa?" she asks, concern all too hearable in her voice.

Karai presses her lips into a thin line.

_Miwa…_

Karai used to love that name, the little nickname her mother used for her when they were alone. She loved to be Miwa-chan and she loved to call her mother okaasan at these times.

But this is gone.

Gone for more than a year.

Gone the moment she learned that Miwa has never been a nickname, but actually her real name.

Gone when she learned about all the lies.

When her mother calls her Miwa, it doesn't make that warmth grow in her heart and spread through her body any longer.

It only makes her mad, really, really mad.

She draws a sharp breath which sends a blaze of pain through her throat.

The pain is choking her and locks her voice in her throat.

She coughs.

It doesn't make the pain any better, but at least she can breathe again.

"Miwa!?" Tang Shen asks in an alarmed voice.

The anger roars in her chest again, but Karai doesn't give in.

She just bites down her lower lip, so hard, she thinks she'd taste blood any minute.

The pain in her lip keeps the pain in her throat at a bearable level.

That's something at least.

"No … voice," she finally hisses between her teeth, her voice hoarse and rough and so very low.

Tang Shen nods.

"Okay," she says. "Are you hungry?"

Karai ponders that question. She isn't really hungry, but she doesn't want her mother around any longer, so she nods.

"I'll make you soup, okay?"

Again, she nods.

Tang Shen gives her daughter a little smile and removes something from Karai's forehead.

The teenage girl realizes now that it is a damp cloth.

She is about to protest when she hears the sound of splashing water, and then the cloth is back on her forehead, even colder than before.

Karai lets out a relieved sigh.

She is so caught up in this feeling that she only notices that Tang Shen has left when the door is closed.

Karai savors the feeling of the damp cloth on her forehead a little longer, but as the sweet coldness lessens due to her body temperature, some thoughts make it back to her already hurting head.

Or rather questions.

Questions she wants to ask her mother.

_Who was that guy you were talking to on the streets?_

_Why were you talking in Japanese?_

_When are we moving to Africa?_

But having no voice and only being able to talk in hisses and whispers with a throat that replies to every syllable with a breathtaking pain really aren't the ideal conditions for asking questions.

Especially when it comes to asking her mother.

She has no idea how to bring these things up anyway.

Just ask Tang Shen and hope she won't lie this time?

Something tells her that she shouldn't do this.

She isn't sure why not, though.

Because as long as her mother doesn't say they have to move to Africa, she doesn't have to think about moving?

Again, she doesn't know why she doesn't want to think about that.

It's not that she loves New York City that much or that apartment or something else here in this city.

It's just … well, she doesn't want to move.

Although she has no clue where that comes from.

She has always felt out of place here in the city.

And now even the thought of leaving feels … weird, wrong even.

All this thinking leads to a pounding pain in her temples.

With a groan Karai sits up.

She needs to go to the bathroom.

The damp cloth just falls from her forehead and she doesn't mind. She feels too dizzy for that.

Slowly, she gets to her feet and moves over to the door, dragging her feet.

It takes her some time to open the door and make it out into the corridor.

Boy, she wishes she'd be a lot faster because considering how badly she needs to get to the bathroom now, she isn't sure if she's going to make it.

And even if she wanted to, she couldn't call her mother.

Because no voice, that is.

Not that she wanted to, of course.

When she passes the kitchen, she hears her mother talking. She must be on the phone because Tang Shen's is the only voice Karai can hear.

"She is doing better," Tang Shen tells whoever is on the phone. "Thanks for calling, April. That's so nice from you."

_April._

The mention of her name makes something stir inside Karai, but she can't name it. And she doesn't want to name it.

Not when she needs to get to the bathroom as soon as possible.

That's what is important now. Everything else is secondary.

If at all.


	15. Chapter 15

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"I am fine," Karai replies with a minimal roll of her eyes.

"Are you sure?" Tang Shen asks again.

"Yes."

Truth is, Karai is anything, but fine.

Her head is still hurting, and she can only communicate in a low, a _really_ low voice. And she's unable to put any emotion into it.

Her voice always sounds the same. If she's happy or angry or annoyed, all the same.

Not that she could be happy right now. Not after spending four days with her mother.

The good thing is that she has lost the first two days in the blur of her fever.

But the other two days… well, to put it nicely, Karai can't wait for her mother to leave for work.

"Okay, I'm on my way, then," Tang Shen says.

_Finally!_ Karai thinks and it makes her better that she can at least put annoyance into the voice in her head.

But in reality, all she can say is, "Yes."

It's as emotionless and low and not at all annoyed as all the words she has said the past days.

She hates it.

But at least she can twist her mouth a bit.

"Okay," Tang Shen says again and gets to her feet.

She hesitates a bit, looking at her daughter with furrowed brows.

Karai forces her mouth into a smile.

Tang Shen returns the smile, although her brows stay furrowed.

"Take care!" she says and moves to the front door.

When the door clicks shut, Karai lets out a long sigh of relief.

It makes her throat burn a bit more again, but the tension that leaves her body with this sigh makes up for it.

Well, a little bit at least.

Karai sinks back into the mattress and lets out another long sigh, but it doesn't reduce the tension anymore, only leads to a blaze of pain in her throat.

She tries to relax, but her thoughts circle around all these unanswered questions the moment she closes her eyes.

With her voice still operational at a minimum, Karai has decided against asking her mother yet.

She doesn't want to leave. That's all she knows for sure right now.

Okay, not completely.

She doesn't want to ask her mother all these questions.

Not that she's _afraid_ of the answers - Karai is never afraid - she just doesn't want to know them, that's all.

She isn't sure if her mother would tell her the truth, anyway.

And not knowing anything is better than just knowing lies.

Karai has decided that a little more than a year ago.

The night when her life turned into a lie.

No, the night when she learned her life has always been a lie.

* * *

Karai came home from school, all giddy and buzzing with excitement.

She couldn't wait to tell her mother about the amazing thing that had happened at school.

She just burst into the kitchen and the moment she set eyes on her mother, the words came pouring from her mouth.

"Mum, guess what!?" she said. "There was a self-defense-instructor at school today, and during a break he showed us some ninjutsu, and gosh, this is amazing! Can I …"

"No!"

Her mother's voice was hard and strict.

The rest of her words got stuck in Karai's throat and she just stood there, her mouth still open, her eyes wide, and stared at her mother.

The look she got in return was pure shock and fear. Her mother's eyes were wide, her face had turned totally pale.

Karai had never seen her like that, not even when Karai broke her arm at the age of five.

Sure, she had been shocked and scared, but not _that_ shocked and scared.

Karai realized how dry her mouth had become and carefully, as if not to startle her mother, closed it.

"Mum?" she asked silently.

That was the moment when her mother took a deep breath. Her shocked face turned into a hurt one, her forehead deeply wrinkled. She wiped over her eyes with her hand and sat down at the table.

For a moment, she just sat there, her face buried in her hands.

Karai shifted uneasily.

"Mum?" she tried again.

Her mother lifted her head. For a moment, she just looked at her daughter, calmly mustering her face.

It didn't make Karai feel any better, so she gnawed at her lower lip to at least do something.

"Come sit with me, child," her mother said. "You are old enough to know."

Karai didn't like the sound of that, she didn't like that her mother called her, "child", she didn't like the look in her mother's eyes, she didn't like how thick the air seemed to have gotten, but as the good girl she had always been - well, at least around her mother, school didn't count, right? - she did as she had been told.

And after another deep breath, her mother started talking.

And Karai came to know the truth.

Her mother told her how it had been ninjutsu that had killed her father, not a car accident, that he had been a ninja and how her mother had seen him and his best friend Saki fighting that night.

Fighting because they were in rivaling ninja clans, fighting because of a feud so much older than them, a feud that didn't die when the rest of Saki's clan did and he had been raised as one of them.

The feud had risen again the moment Saki had learned the truth. And then they had been fighting a fight of life and death, each of them wearing the sigil of their clan, and her mother had known that she had to leave.

She had always told them, her mother said, she had always told her husband that the time of the ninja clans was over, but they had stuck to their old ways.

And when she had seen them fighting, she had known that she had to go, even before she witnessed the burning house coming tumbling down on them.

That night, Karai learned how her mother had packed only the most necessary things and left the city with her baby in her arms and how they had made it to New York after weeks of travelling because she had to cover their tracks.

Karai learned that her mother's name wasn't Kyoko Yamada, but Tang Shen.

She listened to all of this with an open mouth.

But when her mother told her that her name wasn't Karai, but actually Miwa, the nickname she had used when they had been alone, something deep inside Karai shattered.

It had been cracking before, Karai realized, but the mention of her real name made it shatter completely and to no repair.

Her mother explained how this has always been the reason why they had to keep a low profile, because the left members of the clans could be looking for them.

Karai was a ninja's child after all.

"It was ninjutsu that killed your father," her mother ended her story.

"And his best friend," she added after a sigh. "And this is why I want you to stay away from anything like this."

"But…" The word was out before Karai could bite down her lip.

"I forbid it!" her mother said in a commanding tone. "It's dangerous and we want nothing to do with that!"

Karai finally managed to bite down any other words lingering at the back of her tongue.

She just nodded.

"I'll go to my room," she announced.

"Don't you want to have dinner?" her mother asked.

"I am not hungry," Karai replied, getting to her feet. "And I need some time alone."

Tang Shen - from that day on she had always been Tang Shen in Karai's head - nodded.

Karai rose to her feet and left.

In her room, she sunk down on her bed.

She placed her hands over her face, startled by the fact that her cheeks were wet.

She hadn't realized she had been crying.

That night, she decided that her mother wasn't allowed to call her Miwa ever again.

That was _not_ her name! It never had been.

That night, she decided that her mother could never be trusted again.

And that night, she decided that she'd learn ninjutsu, no matter what the cost.

* * *

With a long sigh Karai lets out the breath she has been holding.

She places a hand on her chest where her heart is beating.

Beating and hurting.

She can't understand why it is hurting, though.

She moves her hand from her chest to her eyes, covering them.

And like a bit more than a year ago, she is startled by the fact that she has been crying.

She wipes away the tears with the sleeve of her shirt, but it's a never-ending task as the tears keep coming.

Karai gives up with a groan that doesn't turn out as loud as she has intended it to be thanks to her sore throat.

She lets the tears flow until she falls asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Karai isn't sure how she gets through the rest of the day. It's all gone in a blur of tears and sniffles and dreams. All she remembers is that she is all cried out when her mother comes home from work.

Which is a good thing, actually.

She prefers to pretend to sleep when her mother peeks inside her room, though.

She isn't in the mood for talking.

Actually, she has never been in the mood for talking to her mom in about a year, but even less now after these memories.

She isn't sure if her mother suspects something because whenever she looks inside Karai's room, Karai pretends to be sleeping, but Tang Shen lets it pass.

And at some point Karai really must have fallen asleep because when she opens her eyes she finds the room dark.

And she detects something on her bedside table, but it's too dark to tell what it really is.

Carefully, Karai listens for her mother, but Tang Shen seems to be in her room because Karai can't hear any movement. Or her mother already is in bed. Or she has left again to meet this scarfaced, Japanese speaking man. Who knows?

And who cares, really? Not Karai, that's for sure!

Karai turns on the light on the bedside table. She then realizes this "something" is a plate with a sandwich and a cup of tea.

With a sigh she sits up in her bed and grabs the sandwich.

She isn't really hungry, but she doesn't have anything better to do, that's all.

When she raises the cup to her lips, she notices that the tea already is lukewarm.

She frowns while she takes the first sip, now really wondering how long she's been asleep.

And there's still the question where her mother is.

Karai doesn't really want to know because she's interested. She just wants to know because she could bump into her mother on her way to the bathroom. And she doesn't want that. That's all.

When she has finished her little meal, Karai listens carefully for any movement once more. Again, nothing.

Her frown deepens as she kicks her blanket away and swings her legs over the edge of the bed.

This little movement already makes her breath quicken.

Her heartbeat follows suit when she gets up, and by the time she reaches the door, she feels like she has run for a mile.

She makes it into the corridor, but it's a challenge.

And there she had hoped things might have gotten better. But she has to face the truth. She still is sick, she still has no voice, she still can't move without breaking a sweat, and she hates it.

When she passes her mother's room, she can't help, but peek inside through the open door. It's dark, but it's not because her mother already is asleep. Her bed is empty.

Karai twists her mouth as she moves on.

At least she doesn't have to be afraid of bumping into her mother.

She should be happy, right? But she isn't.

When she's back in her room. Karai slumps down on her bed again.

She's exhausted, yes, but still, she's so very awake.

Which is no wonder after a day of sleeping.

Her heartbeat and her breath slow down to a normal rate and Karai realizes that she wouldn't even have to think about sleep anytime soon.

But what else can she do?

Well, she could read. She has never been much of a reader, but it's a good thing to pass some time.

The bad thing is, she doesn't feel like reading.

She could get her laptop and let the internet entertain her, but she doesn't feel like doing that, either.

Actually, nothing feels right at the moment.

She looks over to her desk where her phone lies.

Now that she thinks of it, she hasn't looked at her phone in _days_. What if someone had tried to call her or sent her a message? What if she missed something _important_?

She takes a deep breath and prepares for some exhausting few steps over to her desk, and she's right.

She's breathing heavily once she's back in her bed and the hand she has wrapped around her phone is sweaty.

It doesn't matter.

She has her phone now. She can check now if someone has tried to contact her.

She takes a few deep breaths to calm her heartbeat down again and then looks at her phone.

First, she realizes that the battery hasn't died down which is great. She doesn't have the strength left to get her charger.

Then she checks for missed calls, for any new messages.

Nothing.

Suddenly, she feels the urge to scream, but her voice is still gone, so she fights it down.

It leads to a feeling like an iron fist has enclosed around her throat, choking her.

As she looks down on her phone again, she realizes she is holding her phone so tightly that her knuckles have turned white.

She has no idea where this anger comes from.

She isn't even sure if it really is anger or something else.

All Karai knows is that she wants to scream again.

Instead, she bites down her lip and tosses the phone to the ground.


	17. Chapter 17

_I know it's been long, too long, since I updated this story, but working on the Annual TMNT FanFic Competition-staff has kept me busy, and then I was sick. Speaking of the FanFic Comp, I want to thank all the people who nominated "My Name Is" and who voted for it. Thank you so much! "My Name Is" won second place in Best Crossover/AU, and it's all thanks to you my lovely readers! You're the best! *hugs*_

_Also, because I am not likely to update "I, April" anytime soon, I want to thank the people who nominated and voted for this story here as well. It finished third place in Best Multi-Chapter! Thank you so, so much! *hugs you too*_

_So, about this recent chapter of "My Name Is" I have to tell you that it is kind of funny that I finished it before my purulent angina hit full force, because you know, writing about a sore throat and going to be suffering from a sore, a very sore throat a few hours later, yes, that's something. XD Also, I mention a soap opera April started watching when she was sick and has been a fan of ever since. I have this weird idea that while April hates soap operas in general, there is this one exception she loves to pieces. I made the title up, of course._

_Now without further delay, have fun reading the new chapter of "My Name Is"! ^^_

* * *

When Karai wakes the next morning, her head is hurting. With a groan she sits up, putting her hands on her throbbing temples.

She doesn't even remember falling asleep. At least it was a dreamless sleep. More than welcome to her. It makes the time pass.

She could do without the headache, though.

Or the sore throat, still burning every time she swallows.

_Ugh._

When she turns her head, she finds a plate with a sandwich and a glass of orange juice on her bedside table.

And there's her phone, too. This makes her frown.

It seems not quite right, although she can't say why.

Until she remembers.

She tossed the phone to the ground last night.

Carefully, she grabs it, looking for damage and can't find any.

That's good.

But there aren't any messages either which is bad.

She manages to fight down the urge to toss the phone to the ground again. Who knows if it'll survive another impact?

Instead she places it on her bedside table and takes the sandwich.

With every bite she swallows the burning in her throat seems to grow stronger.

She hasn't tried talking yet, but she's pretty sure it would hurt just as much.

While eating her sandwich she keeps a good look at her phone. Munching, swallowing, mentally cursing, looking at her phone, munching, swallowing, mentally cursing, looking at her phone,...

When the sandwich is gone, Karai drinks the glass of orange juice in big gulps. It doesn't hurt as much as the sandwich, but it still hurts.

One last look at her phone and she gets up.

* * *

Sitting in the cafeteria during lunch break, Karai halfheartedly picks at her food. It's not like she tastes much at the moment anyway. Or like eating doesn't hurt.

Her headache has increased over the morning, too, and by the end of the second period she felt like crap.

Now she feels even worse.

In health-terms, that is.

Aside from the burning throat, the constant feeling of sickness, and skull-cracking headache she feels alright. Better, actually.

There are people all around her, faces that are not her mom's, and chatting and laughing, and, well, noise.

So, in matter of health-terms coming to school today really hasn't been her brightest idea, but in _Karai_ -terms it's been the best thing she could have done.

"Karai!" a cheerful voice calls out, and the next moment April sits down next to her. "I had no idea you'd be back at school today. I called your mom yesterday and she said you were still sick."

_Why didn't you call_ me _!?_ Karai wants to ask, but instead just shrugs.

"Are you feeling better?"

Karai nods.

April replies with a smile. "I'm glad."

"Me too," Irma chimes in in such a happy voice that Karai almost jumps. "School hasn't been the same without you."

Karai looks at the girl sitting opposite her. It is Irma for sure, all nerdy and punk-y as always, but the big grin on her face, it doesn't quite fit.

Karai twists her mouth.

"See?" April says. "Even Irma missed you."

"Of course I did!" Irma protests. "As I said, school hasn't been the same without you."

Karai blinks a few times, thinking that the smile and the warm and welcome look in Irma's eyes would disappear again because it really doesn't belong there, but it stays right where it shouldn't be.

She studies Irma's face a little longer until the pain in her temples reaches a level that makes looking hurt and she turns her eyes back to her plate.

Just to have anything to do she takes a fork of mashed potatoes, chewing it longer than needed and swallows.

"So, what did you do these last days?" April asks. "Aside from getting well again, that is. I know I always watch hours of TV once I am well enough for that, and boy, I would never have found out how much fun 'These Days' is if it weren't for that tonsillitis last year."

She looks over to Irma who just laughs.

"And now I have all the seasons on DVD," April finishes her story.

A moment of silence passes before Karai realizes a reply is expected of her.

The good thing of never really having anything to say during class is that she's made it through the morning without actually having to say anything. Sure, she can manage a short answer, even at a normal volume if she needs to, but this asks for more.

She rummages in her messenger bag and produces a piece of paper and a pencil.

_Not really,_ she writes down for April to see. _Head hurt too much, throat still sore._

"Oh." April places a hand on Karai's shoulder. "Shouldn't you still be at home, then?"

Karai shakes her head so fiercely it really doesn't help with her headache.

"Well, okay then," April says. "If you need anything, just call. Or better, send a text."

Karai replies with a nod.

April gets to her feet.

"Come on, Irma, we should be on our way if we want a shot at some good seats in the chemistry lab," April announces.

"Oh, yeah, sure." Irma gets up as well.

"Take care, Karai," April says, giving Karai's shoulder a quick pat.

"You too," Karai replies, her voice just a whisper.

And there's this odd feeling that she actually means it.


	18. Chapter 18

Karai had hoped to make it home before her mother. She had hoped to change into her pajamas and lie down in her bed before her mother gets home.

Oh, and to remove her make-up, of course.

It'd look weird if her mother came home and found her in full make-up in bed.

Although she could say she did that to make herself feel better.

Not that she needed to defend herself.

Or lie to her mother.

It's just that… well, she doesn't know.

Telling her mother that she's been at school just feels wrong.

Probably because it's been a bad idea and her mother wouldn't approve.

All the noise and the people around, it has lifted her spirits, but on her way home, her condition worsens again.

It takes her more than double the time to get home, and by the time she does, she's sweating heavily and her heart is pounding in her chest from all the exhaustion.

She feels terrible by the time she reaches the door to their apartment, sick, hot and cold at the same time and there must be glowing coals in her throat.

She presses her mouth into a thin line as anger washes over her.

She hates being sick, she hates this feeling, she just hates it so, so much!

She wishes she could scream it away.

Just scream and scream and scream until all the anger and the sickness are gone.

But she can't scream.

She can barely raise her voice to more than a whisper at the moment, let alone scream.

While she fumbles for her keys, she freezes for a moment, and suddenly, she knows.

Her mother is already home.

She doesn't know where this knowledge comes from, but she knows it's true.

Instead of fumbling for her keys, she fumbles for her small mirror now.

Checking her reflection, she realizes that she doesn't only feel terrible, she _looks_ terrible as well.

Thanks to the combination of sweat and eyeliner her stunning make-up has turned into a smudgy mess. Well, at least taking her make-up off would be easier now. Half of it seems to be gone anyway.

She takes a few deep breaths.

She has to think of something else. She can't fool her mother now.

Heck, she can't even tell her now how great she's feeling and what a good idea going to school had been.

Not with that look on her face.

And she isn't only talking about her make-up.

She's turned white as a blanket, even paler than she normally is, not to mention that there's something in the way her face looks that just screams sickness.

She can't really say what it is, but it's there.

_Sickness!_

_Sickness!_

She wants to scream again, but that would only raise her heartbeat again, and it has just turned to a near-normal rate.

She takes another deep breath.

Then, she unlocks the door.

She hears a the smallest of noises from the kitchen.

For a moment, Karai just thinks of going to her room, avoiding her mother, but then she decides against it. It'd just be putting off the evil hour.

So Karai enters the kitchen.

Besides, she's thirsty and craves for some orange juice.

Her mother sits at the kitchen table, her face stern, her eyes on Karai the moment she enters.

Karai greets her with a nod and goes to the fridge, shielding herself from her mother's searching eyes with the fridge door.

To make use of her shield as long as she can, Karai drinks some orange juice right from the package, usually something that would lead to another scolding from her mother, but Tang Shen's too busy looking at Karai piercingly. She can even feel it through her fridge door-shield.

So Karai takes her sweet time drinking.

But at some point, she can't prolong any longer.

"Where have you been?" Tang Shen asks the moment Karai closes the fridge.

"School," Karai replies as loud as her burning throat allows it which - to be honest - isn't very loud.

But Tang Shen hears.

"You aren't recovered enough for that," she says in her scolding voice.

Karai just shrugs and turns away from her mother, about to leave the kitchen.

"Karai!"

Suddenly, there's anger in Tang Shen's voice, yes, but that's not what makes Karai stop.

There's something else, too, something Karai has never heard in her mother's voice, something Karai isn't quite sure, what it is, but it makes her turn towards her mother with wide eyes.

Tang Shen gets up, slowly, her lips pressed together, keeping her eyes on Karai, and there's a very small shiver running through her body.

And then she rushes towards her daughter, and for a moment, Karai is afraid her mother is going to hit her, but Tang Shen just wraps her arms around her and pulls her into a tight embrace and sighs.

"Mother?" Karai asks, but Tang Shen doesn't react.

When she feels her mother shudder, panic starts rising within Karai.

"Okaasan?" she tries again, and it makes Tang Shen tighten her grip even more.

Not sure what to do, Karai returns the embrace, even though a bit insecure.

She lets go the moment Tang Shen loosens her grip, and a few moments later, her mother lets go of her as well.

Tang Shen quickly wipes away the tears from the corners of her eyes.

"I am sorry," she says, a thin smile on her lips. "Now let's get you to bed. You look terrible."

Karai is so perplexed, she can't do anything, but obey.


	19. Chapter 19

The fever comes back over night. It turns Karai's dreams into a blur of faces and voices.

Sometimes, her mother's face emerges from the blur, sometimes, Karai can feel a gentle touch on her forehead, but it's gone as soon as it came.

When she wakes up in the morning, she feels better. Actually, she feels good. Her throat doesn't burn any longer, only scratches a bit when she swallows, and her head no longer feels like it's swimming in a blurry ocean.

But she's tired, so very tired.

She goes back to sleep almost immediately. It's a dreamless sleep, and she's thankful for that.

When she wakes, she sees her mother and then falls asleep again.

And the next time she wakes, she feels rested. She turns her head to the side and finds her mother sitting next to her bed, her mother wearing a yellow shirt, her mother having her hair dyed red.

Karai sits up with a jolt.

"April!" she calls out.

"Good morning, Karai!" April replies with a smile.

"What are you doing here?" Karai asks, looking April over.

It really is April. No dream could smile so sweetly. Besides, April usually doesn't smile in her dreams. Not at all.

"Your mom asked me to look after you because she had an important appointment. So here I am."

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" Karai moves the blanket over her chest. April doesn't need to see she's wearing pajamas with kitties on them. It's bad enough that April sees her like _this_ , without any makeup and probably smelling from sweat.

April laughs. "It's weekend, silly. And by the way, it's nice to see … uhm ... hear that your voice has come back."

Karai raises a brow, and then realizes it's the truth. Her throat doesn't hurt when she's talking any longer.

And then she realizes something else.

"Where did my mom go?"

April shrugs. "She didn't say, just that it's important."

This sends a pang through Karai's heart. Her mother would never leave her side when she's sick. And no, it's not the fact that her mother has actually left her alone that makes her heart ache, Karai tells herself. No, it's because her mother left her for something important, more important than her sickness.

Maybe this means that they are moving again soon.

Karai twists her mouth.

"I'll go to the bathroom," she announces, wrapping herself into her blanket because _kitties!_ , and gets up.

"Do you need help?" April asks.

Karai gives her a look.

"Well, not _in_ the bathroom, of course, but maybe on how to get there?" April specifies.

Karai just shakes her head and sets into motion.

"Call if you need anything!"

* * *

Once in the bathroom Karai takes a shower, washing away the sweat and the sickness.

And when she's done she even thinks of putting on some makeup.

But no, that would look weird, coming back to April all dolled up and naked under her blanket because she is so not going to wear that kitties-pajamas again!

But the thought of going back naked leaves her flustered and makes her blush, and she doesn't understand why.

So what now?

Should she ask April to bring her new pajamas? But the thought alone makes her feel uncomfortable. There are too many pajamas with hearts, teddy bears, and yes, kitties on them in her drawer.

Karai makes a mental note to buy some new pajamas soon.

But that doesn't help with her recent situation.

So going back to her room only wrapped in her blanket or risking to make April see her embarrassing pajamas?

She feels her cheeks heat even more and she doesn't know which one of the options is causing that.

She opens the bathroom door a bit.

"Uhm, April?" she calls.

"Yes?"

"Could you please bring me my jeans and my hoodie? They're on my desk chair."

"Will do!" comes the reply.

Well, thank goodness she's been able to think of a third option just in time.

* * *

"Just give it a try!" April insists.

"It's a soap opera, and that's a definite 'over my dead body'!"

But April keeps waggling the DVD of "These Days" in front of Karai's face. "Pretty please?"

"No!"

April sighs. "Remember when you didn't think trigonometry was easy? But it is, and I told you so."

"But that's trigonometry and not some stupid soap opera!" Karai folds her arms over her chest.

"It's _not_ a stupid soap opera!" April replies in an indignant voice. "Why would you even think that? It's really, really good!"

"No!"

"I was right about trigonometry being easy, and I swear I am right about 'These Days' being good."

"You can't always be right."

"Yes, I can, and yes, I am."

Instead of a reply Karai twists her mouth.

"And if I go get us a huge pile of pizza gyoza to eat while we watch?"

* * *

Karai likes to tell herself that she only did it for the pizza gyoza. She didn't even mean to really pay attention, but as much as she hates to admit it, "These Days" really is good.

She especially likes Rita, a woman who'd do anything to get what she wants, even if it means destroying someone else's life. And the way she uses her female charm to make men - and sometimes even women - dance to her tune is just amazing. But from the strangled noises April makes whenever Rita appears on screen Karai starts to think that Rita isn't April's favorite.

They are sitting on Karai's bed with her laptop in front of them on her desk chair, each of them having a plate with a huge pile of pizza gyoza on their laps.

Karai only meant to watch one or two episodes and then get rid of this soap opera, but they are still watching it when her mother comes home hours later.


End file.
